Redemption (Spoken Word)

I remember I thought I was pretty
How naive to think
that a man could actually love me
For who I am
Instead of the things I can

 do with my hands
And the endless brands
Upon me

Every time looked down in the mirror
Because in order to be
what he wanted to see
I continually changed
My demeanor

I thought that him with me
Would make me feel
Like I feel
When I feel
That feeling
That I felt
Was supposed to be real

But it wasn't
What I wanted
Anymore
Than I wanted
My fingers shoved down my throat cuz I felt
Unwanted

Cuz I want to be skinny
Ideologies
Played with
My mind
And replayed
Endless imagery
Of my body corrupted

And I thought
that by cutting
My arms with a knife
My sins recompense
Was distructed

But I understand now

my self hatreds vise 
Recollection of every sin
Brought to the light

The story I started to finish but couldn't
And the gun 

that I shoved down my throat 

 but I knew that It wouldn't

Pay to take life Away
When the price that he payed
Put my sins in the grave

And everyday I'm amazed
At the goodness
Of a god who would give
His life to forgive
My transgressions

Because worthy or not
I'm not worthy to
Stand In the way
Of agape passion

And I know that he's out there
This man we call love
Because I've seen
Him Living and breathing
through us

And I know that he means it
When he says were the ones
the church shouldn't
Doubt the foundations
Of his martyrdom

I can tell you he's faithful
He's proved it to me
But if your still baffled 
I hope this next part
brings clarity

In that car
On a back road that night
He was there
And Only he heard
My silent cry to be pure

And he saw when I
Wanted to pierce through
The Heart
Of every man
Because of the scars
That one man inflicted
One man!

What he didn't know
Was It Would continue to grow
Into
Jezebel ramped

But Jezebel is hiding now
Afraid to shed her mark again
Because god revealed
Identity into the hearts
Of honest men

Surrounding now
The daughters heart
Displayed through love
And fathers arms

And protected
By the one
Who made her
vulnerable again

He was there when I swam
In selfish ambitions
God was there when
I wanted to drown

And he took what the devil
Intends to destroy
And he built me back up
From the ground

He took away fear
And replaced it with faith
Instead of self hatred
I see that he makes

All things good
And there are no mistake
With my God
Who created me perfect